I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize