we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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