All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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