12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
