I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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