One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
PANTIES FOUND
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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