I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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