It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
