Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize