he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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