she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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