i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize