I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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