how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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