omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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