my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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