Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize