my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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