i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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