Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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