First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
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People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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