That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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