she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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