im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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