Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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