remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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