Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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