I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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