I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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