Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize