I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize