Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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