Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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