god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
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My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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