he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
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Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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