Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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