I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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