All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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