I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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