Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize