DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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