My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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