It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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