I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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