fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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