I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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