I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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