no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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