the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize