i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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