This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize