I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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